Yellowbeard

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Plot – At the end of the 17th century in England, former pirate of the Caribbean Sea Yellowbeard manages to escape from His Majesty’s prison. The pirate wants to retrieve a treasure whose map was tattooed on his son’s head before being destroyed. Only now the son is a twenty-year-old bold young man and too many people are interested in the treasure.

Movie Info

Title Yellowbeard

Year 1983

Director Mel Damski

GenreComedy,Adventure,Action

Top 28 Quotes of “Yellowbeard” Movie

“- Yellowbeard: How many men have you killed so far?
– Dan: One. Two, I think.
– Yellowbeard: You think? You’ll never kill anyone if you go around thinkin’.”
Graham Arthur Chapman – Yellowbeard

Martin Hewitt – Dan

“Read, read, read, read! Let me tell you something – last time I read a book, I was raped. Let that be a lesson to you.”

Madeline Kahn – Betty

– Harvey “Blind” Pew: It sounded as though there was a bit of a squabble.
– Moon: Squabble? They’re all dead!
– Harvey “Blind” Pew: Oh! Must have been more of a tiff then.
John Marwood Cleese – Blind Pew

Peter Boyle – Moon

“She couldn’t be your mother. No woman ever slept with me and lived.”

Graham Arthur Chapman – Yellowbeard

“- Yellowbeard: Who’re you talkin’ about?
– Betty: The fruit of your loins, sugar drawers.
– Yellowbeard: Are you mad, woman? I haven’t got fruit in my loins! Lice, yes, and proud of ’em!”
Graham Arthur Chapman – Yellowbeard

Madeline Kahn – Betty

“- Harvey ‘Blind’ Pew: I may be blind, but I have acute earing.
– Commander Clement: I’m not interested in your jewellery, cloth eyes.”
John Marwood Cleese – Blind Pew

Eric Idle – Commander Clement

“Dying’s the easy way out. You won’t catch me dying. They’ll have to kill me before I die!”
Graham Arthur Chapman – Yellowbeard

“- Betty: It’s been awhile since we had a little cuddle.
– Yellowbeard: I raped ya, if that’s what you mean.
– Betty: Okay. It was half-cuddle, half-rape.”
Madeline Kahn – Betty

Graham Arthur Chapman – Yellowbeard

“The pirate Yellowbeard captured many other galleons, killing over five-hundred men in cold blood. He would tear the captains hearts out and swallow them whole. Often forcing his victims to eat their own lips, he was caught and imprisoned… for tax evasion.”

“- Yellowbeard: I’m sure I killed the last one I raped, it can’t have been you.
– Betty: Well, the afterplay was a bit on the rough side but not fatal, dear.”
Graham Arthur Chapman – Yellowbeard

Madeline Kahn – Betty

“- Yellowbeard: Dan, if you’re my son, prove it. Kill this stupid old bugger!
– Lord Lambourn: Hold your horses…
– Dan: I can’t kill him! He brought me up! Just like a father.
– Yellowbeard: Oh, you mean he’s beat ya and kicked ya and smashed ya in the teeth?”
Graham Arthur Chapman – Yellowbeard

Peter Cook – Lord Lambourn

Martin Hewitt – Dan

“- Betty: When little Dan was two minutes old I tattooed it on his head.
– Yellowbeard: Does he know about this?
– Betty: Oh, no no no, that’s why I kept him in the cupboard for three years. That may be why he’s a bit odd with all these books, and reading, and stuff like that.”

Madeline Kahn – Betty

Graham Arthur Chapman – Yellowbeard

“- Dan: If you cut my head off it’ll start to putrify!
– Yellowbeard: Do what?
– Dan: Putrify, go rotten!
– Yellowbeard: Yeah, it would ooze a lot, heads do. But I could live with that.”
Martin Hewitt – Dan

Graham Arthur Chapman – Yellowbeard

“- Dan: He’s been kind and gentle.
– Yellowbeard: What kind of a father is that? Kill him!”

Martin Hewitt – Dan

Graham Arthur Chapman – Yellowbeard

“- Commander Clement: What happened?
– Betty: Plague!
– Commander Clement: Plague?
– Betty: All sudden like! Lucky I was out.
– Commander Clement: That man’s got a sword in him!
– Betty: He fell on it.”

Eric Idle – Commander Clement

Madeline Kahn – Betty

“- Dan: I haven’t raped her!
– Yellowbeard: No, you wouldn’t have you poncy little git! You’re not the prawn of my loins, your mother’s a bloody liar! That’s what I liked about her!”
Martin Hewitt – Dan

Graham Arthur Chapman – Yellowbeard

“- Betty: It’s about your father.
– Dan: What about him?
– Betty: When I said he was dead, I was only trying to cushion the blow.”

Madeline Kahn – Betty

Martin Hewitt – Dan

“- Triola: What’s happened to Daddy?
– Yellowbeard: I killed him!
– Dan: He’s gone to heaven.
– Triola: Aw, that’s nice! He sent all his friends there.”
Stacey Nelkin – Triola

Graham Arthur Chapman – Yellowbeard

Martin Hewitt – Dan

“- Dan: Father! We thought you were dead.
– Yellowbeard: Us Yellowbeards are never more dangerous than when we’re dead.”
Martin Hewitt – Dan

Graham Arthur Chapman – Yellowbeard

– Yellowbeard: Betrayin’s all part of piratin’. If you don’t know that you’re not even close to being a pirate, “Prawn of my loins”, my foot!
– Dan: What?
– Yellowbeard: You’re either born a pirate or not! It’s in the blood Dan, and it’s not in your blood or you’d have betrayed me long ago!
Graham Arthur Chapman – Yellowbeard

Martin Hewitt – Dan

“It’s been twenty years since we had a little cuddle, and what do you do? Come in and give me a kiss? No, you rush in and hack a hole in the wall.”

Madeline Kahn – Betty

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s learning things never taught me nothin’. And books is the worst.”
Madeline Kahn – Betty

“- El Nebuloso: Who is it more important to please: the King of Spain, or God?
– El Segundo: Why, God, of course.
– El Nebuloso: And who is God’s personal representative in these parts?
– El Segundo: Why, you, your holy ruthlessness.
– El Nebuloso: Well, God wants to keep all of it.”

Tommy Chong – El Nebuloso

Cheech Marin – El Segundo

“- Gilbert: Where did you hide the treasure, exactly?
– Yellowbeard: You won’t catch me with those trick questions.”
Marty Feldman – Gilbert

Graham Arthur Chapman – Yellowbeard

“- Commander Clement: Twenty years ago today you were sentenced to jail.
– Yellowbeard: Yes, and now I’m due to released.
– Commander Clement: Yes. Or rather, no. You see, twenty years ago, no one was expected to live in jail for twenty years.”
Eric Idle – Commander Clement

Graham Arthur Chapman – Yellowbeard

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